Six Rules for Behaving in Public

You already know the obvious ones, right? Like try not to wear a mini-skirt or take swigs from a paper bag?

There are two options for being an expat in the Middle East. You can try to blend in to the culture (an impossible goal if you're blond), or not. I opt for the former, which means I spend a lot of time observing and asking questions and noticing when people look at me funny. Here are the six rules for public behavior I've picked up over the last couple years:

1. Always take the time to greet everyone you've ever met on the street. Even if you're on your way to work and you're running late and you've only ever met that person one time at a party and you don't remember their name. Say hello, shake hands and kiss, and ask how they and their family are. Otherwise, you are just asking for them to complain to mutual friends about your rudeness. I know, because I have been that mutual friend before. I spend a lot of time trying to explain American behavior.

2. Don't eat or drink in public during Ramadan. I don't care if you're not fasting. It's illegal.


I don't care if it is 105 degrees; leave that "Akwaafeenaa" at home.

3. Girls, make all reasonable efforts to hide the fact that you have hips. Actually, this is your exception to the no-mini-skirts rule. I've seen local girls wearing them over their jeans. Also mini-dresses or super-long shirts. I love that toga-style shirts came into fashion right before I moved over here.

4. Don't leave the house with your hair still wet from a shower. It is somehow an indicator/advertisement that you just had sex. Which doesn't make sense to me, because humidity's at 60 percent, which means everyone needs to shower twice a day...whatever.

5. Don't offer your hand to someone of the opposite sex. A lot of Muslims won't shake it. I thought this one was more well-known, but I see Americans have the awkward "Um, sorry, but I don't touch women" conversation all the time. My rule of thumb is to give guys the nod and wait to see if they extend their hand. If they don't, you get to do my favorite greeting ever: the right-hand-over-your-heart salute. Like, "My heart is touched to meet you...don't touch me."

6. Don't put your arm around your significant other. I've noticed that in a lot of places, hand-holding is okay (uh, well, if the person is your spouse). But putting your arm around their waist? You might as well make out on a park bench.

Did I miss any?