Too much change, apparently

I have always (okay, not always, but for a good long while, anyway) operated under this paradigm: When I'm around people from other cultures, I try to "do it the way they do it." When I meet my Arab friends, I greet the ladies with cheek kissings and the men with my hand placed over my heart. I always inquire about the family and have a good amount of conversation before ever 'getting down to business.' If I invite them out to coffee, it'll be my treat. And on and on it goes; it could very well go forever.

Why? Because I aspire to be a cultural chameleon. I want to fit in wherever I go. I want to speak a dozen dialects and understand every local custom. I want to see the world, but I never want to be a tourist.

It's taken me years to figure some of this stuff out, and I don't even get it all yet. Americans greet with handshakes; they're direct and confrontational; they split the tab. But when I'm around another culture, I try to turn on the analytical side of my brain and figure out what's happening and why. And a huge part of Arab culture is driven, in my opinion, by hospitality.

Take something normal, like having a guest. Here are some of the things people have told me over the years. First, thorough house-cleaning is an absolute necessity before guests arrive. Right down to moving the couch to vacuum under it. In America, you might offer a drink; in Arabia, you give them one, immediately, and offering is kind of like saying, "I don't really want to give you this; if I did, I would just do it." So you don't offer things; you just bring them. You never, ever, "kick someone out" of your house because you're ready to go to bed. Basically, you bend over backward for your guests.

So, I invited one of my favorite people over this week, and she told me something along the lines of, "Nah, I feel like you're going out of your way too much for this." Then she told me that I was "becoming more Arabic" and that she liked "how I used to be." Back when I was all messy and disorganized and would forget to offer water.

So I told her, "Khalas, okay, come to my house and I won't do anything. I just want to see you." She did and it was all well and good.

But apparently, my strategy of "being more Arab" has both succeeded and failed. Succeeded because apparently I've got some of the rules down. Failed because it turns out, your true friends don't actually mind if you're casual and clueless. At least when you're casual and clueless, you're relaxed and not stressed out.

New paradigm: Try to blend the two cultures together and create a new equilibrium.