1. Insist you don't need to see a doctor. After all, you just have a cold, right? Right? Even though cold medicine so far hasn't made a lick of difference and that rash on your torso is starting to spread.
2. Sleep 16 hours a day. The downside of this is that, unfortunately, weird African diseases seem to cause weird African dreams. This afternoon, I dreamed I was trapped in a room with about 50 spiders hanging from the ceiling. This is literally my worst nightmare.
3. Catch up on online episodes of "Last Comic Standing" and "America's Got Talent." This one might make you feel like a loser afterward, though. At least you haven't gotten pathetic enough to watch "Desperate Housewives" yet.
4. Even though you have no appetite, force yourself to eat so you can continue to take your malaria medication. Then realize that on your malaria medication, it explicitly warns against combining the drug with any product containing calcium. You have been taking this along with your vitamins, which include two calcium pills per day. Worry that you have rendered your malaria medication ineffective. Google "malaria symptoms."
5. If you need to talk to your husband about the budget, this is the time to do it. Rarely will you have another chance when your husband just gives you whatever it is you want, without even arguing.
6. Blog about it. If that doesn't earn you some sympathy, I don't know what will.
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