A Modest Proposal

We have a new friend in al-Ballad named Ali. Ali's from Yemen, and he works this dusty junk shop filled with perfume, incense-holders, and brass goods that say "Saudi Arabia" in big letters on top and "Made in China" in tiny letters on the bottom. We met Ali last Christmas when we were on a mad search for gifts in a part of town where you can easily find Qurans, prayer rugs, abaayas, thobes, and shoes; but you can't find small souvenirs. Astounded by my extremely modest Arabic (I think I could only say "How much is this?" and "Please give me a discount" at the time), Ali and I had a blast bartering for everybody's gifts and trying to explain where we were from and what we were doing, again with my very limited language.

Anyway, when we visited his shop again four months later, he remembered us. I bet we're the only Americans who speak Arabic that have ever visited his store. So we hung around after haggling, practicing language.

"Who are the gifts for?" he asked in Arabic.

"Friends and family," I said.

"Are you traveling?"

"Yes, we will travel in one month."

"Where is your brother?" he asked, referring to Ryan, whom I refer to as my brother, generally.

"He's at the university. He will get married in the summer."

"You have a sister?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Is she younger or older than you?"

"She is younger, but taller."

"Is she married?"

"Why? Are you interested?" I asked, grinning.

Ali grinned back.

"Maybe."

I started to laugh.

"Ali, if you want to marry my sister, I need some gold from you. Not brass," I said, gesturing to the brass gifts I had just bought. I said that because in this society, the groom is required to give his bride a whole lot of jewelry as wedding gifts. That's why a lot of young Arab guys are single. No money, no marriage.

Ali made a sober face.

"Of course," he said. "If she will marry me, I will give her 100,000 riyal (about $37,500) in gold."

"Okay," I said, equally seriously. "I will ask her."

"Will she marry me?"

"I don't know. I will ask her."

"You're sweet, sister." (I didn't respond, because I didn't understand the word for "sweet"--I had to look it up later on Google Translate.)

Then, to seal the deal, he insisted on giving me a free, tiny bottle of perfume. My Man tried to pay him, but he just waved his hand at the money.

"Goodbye sister!" he said.

I took the proposal back to my sister a little later on Skype.

"Hey," I told her, "I have a proposal for you to make $37,500 next year. All you have to do is marry my friend Ali, have about 10 children, and cook and clean for him for the rest of your life. Room and board is included."

"Hm," she said. "That sounds right up my alley. Except the kids thing. Do I have to have kids?"

"Yes," I said, "unless you want to end up the first of several wives."

"I am probably going to require more gold. Like a million dollars worth."

So next time I see Ali, I'll see how the counter-proposal goes.